the free pass (wedded wednesdays guest post)

{We need to get talking about what marriage really looks like. In that spirit, we chat about it here once a week, on Wedded Wednesdays.} 

Lyli Dunbar was one of the first women I met through the Soli Deo Gloria linkup. And from there, our friendship grew! Lyli tells her story boldy and stands tall on her faith. Lyli, thankful for you today!

Every August, my husband gets a “free pass.”  It’s his busy season at work, so I try to give him some space.  If he wants to work himself into a frenzy until midnight for three days straight, then I let him.  I will not cry if he barely grunts at me in passing, and I attempt to find other things to keep me busy so that he doesn’t feel guilty.  (Target and Panera Bread, here I come!).

Before I got married, I had romantic expectations that my husband would snuggle with me on the couch after dinner on week nights, and that we would spend our weekends together in leisurely exploration of the city.  I pictured picnics at the park and long walks on the beach and dinner out with friends at quaint diners.

On the first Saturday we spent in our home together, my husband got out of bed at 5 AM and took a shower.  I rolled over and covered my eyes.  Hello!  It is Saturday – the day for sleeping in and lingering in your jammies all morning.  At 6 AM, he stopped by the bedroom on his way out to Walmart – he wanted to know if I needed anything.  I groaned a “no, thank you” at him.

I quickly learned that my love and I have a different pair of glasses on when it comes to time management.  I am a night owl.  At 9 PM, I suddenly get inspired and creative.  I work into the wee hours of the morning and sleep in to recuperate.  I take my mornings slowly.  I need down time and quiet time in my day.  I love to read a good book and get lost in the pages.

Bruce takes his coffee black.  He leaves for work at 6 AM to avoid traffic.  He skips lunch to get more done.  He fields phone calls from clients on weekends.  His idea of resting is spending the entire day outside getting sweaty and dirty in the yard.

In order to meld our opposite selves into one, we learned early on that we needed to make some “house rules” –

• We will not leave the house in the morning without praying together.  On some mornings, this means I need to get out of bed before day light.
• Every day, we will bid each other farewell and greet each other with hugs and kisses.  We are unhurried and abundant in our displays of affection.
• I will call by husband to announce my arrival time at home.  This gives my husband a warning that I am coming home, and he needs to wrap things up mentally in preparation.
• We spend a few minutes together sharing stories about how our day went.  This is usually paired with a snack.  Chips and Salsa, anyone?
• We sit down to dinner together. Take out counts here.
• We decide on a mutual time for “unplugging” that evening and spend some time on the couch together.  This varies based on our daily schedule.

But, this month, my man gets a free pass.  The rules will not be enforced.  A little flexibility goes a long way in a marriage.

Q4U:  Do you have any “house rules” at your place?   Does your husband ever get a “free pass”?

Lyli Dunbar married her Prince Charming in her 40’s and has a heart for encouraging singles in God’s waiting room and connecting with women through a weekly small group in her home. She loves reading a page turner, laughing until she cries, and sampling rich chocolate. A disciple, wife, educator, and mentor, she’s just a girl working to keep the faith day by day.  Connect with Lyli on her blog, 3-D Lessons for Life.

(Image via)