my greatest regret (wedded wednesdays guest post)

{We need to get talking about what marriage really looks like. In that spirit, we chat about it here once a week, on Wedded Wednesdays.} 

Nikki (Simply Striving) was one of the first women who encouraged me in the blogging world. I can’t even remember what link-up connected us, but I’m sure thankful we’re friends. Her precious words and phenomenal writing are a beacon of light online and I treasure her perspective! Take it away, Nikki.

We sat adjacent. She in her new pencil skirt and heels and me in my jean capris and sandals. I smiled as I noticed her freshly manicured toenails and tucked my feet under when I saw the flakes of magenta missing from mine.

“Only a few more weeks to go!” I said as excitedly as my weary voice would allow. It felt like they had just gotten engaged yesterday . . .

“I KNOW! Hurry up already!” She replied while slapping her lap for exclamation. Grinning, I reminisced on love’s anticipation and patted her knee to show I not only heard her, but felt it, too.

She played with the hem of her white skirt while I asked all the normal pre-wedding conversation starters. When I ran out of questions, I asked lightheartedly:

“So, what’s the most common advice you’ve received about marriage?”

We laughed as we recognized some stemmed from sappy love songs. And paused as we tried to figure out what song the most common one came from — for it was too cliché not to.

“Love is a choice, not a feeling.”

Our sides split as we created our own 80’s themed song. And as we stopped to catch our breaths, I confessed to her.

“You know, I thought the choice to love would be easy because I knew I was marrying the one God hand-picked for me. But, I was wrong. It’s not easy. The enemy makes sure of that.

I’m not sure how long it took me to figure out I wasn’t capable of I Cor 13 love alone. And the daily choice, for me, became not to love my husband, but to lay my own life down, pick up His cross of love and follow His lead . . .” I waited until our eyes met, winked and said finally, “My husband just happens to be in my path.”

Nodding her head slowly, she let me know with her next breath, she got it.

“That brings the chord analogy to a whole new level. Which is one of the Bible verses we chose for our wedding . . . Thank you for that.”

Never has that Bible verse made more sense to me. Because let’s face it–any marriage involves two humans. The one thing we humans all have in common is we are not perfect. But love is . . .

Love never fails.

Who am I to think I will never fail? I’m guaranteed to fray if left to my own capabilities . . . so would my husband (although not as quick as I would). Oh but with God intertwined, who can penetrate?

It’s then I shared with her my greatest regret in marriage:

I looked to my husband for love. I expected him to love me. Every day. I relied on him to do what I’ve proven I’m incapable of doing alone without fail.

I placed the greatest burden on my unknowing, undeserving husband: Expectations.

How can I expect him to love without fail? When God. Is. Love. Not my husband.

It’s God that has all we need.

Friends, marriage is the best practice of Luke 9:23 I’ve ever received:

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

And when we choose to follow His lead, marriage can be one of the greatest gifts given. God makes sure of that.

It was then we decided the advice is true: Love is a choice, not a feeling.

Because He. Is.

Oh, I pray we all choose God. Before all else. Daily. Because He is the chord that holds a marriage tightly in place.

His LOVE never gives up.

Nikki is a girl in love with her husband of 14 years who has blessed her with the greatest role ever: being a mom. She’s honored to be a child of The King, daily accepting His gift of grace, and is elated with the idea that we can help each other along life’s journey. Because we’re all striving. Stretching. Sometimes struggling. Why not encourage each other along the way?
She journals her thoughts on a blog titled Simplystriving. There you will find her journey of seeking joy in the everyday while simply striving to become all that God has made her to be. And she’d love to have you along.

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PS — What’s your marriage story? Every story matters, and we want to hear them all here on Wedded Wednesdays. Interested in guest posting? Email me — sarahkoci at gmail dot com — and we’ll chat.