This grad school stuff has been quite a journey. Quick summary: despite Mr. S.’s new position and our move to Kansas City, he was still enrolled and wrapping up the thesis remotely.
So the week after Thanksgiving, we made a whirlwind trip to Indiana for his master’s defense. Nine hours there, nine hours back. Two full days of nerves and little sleep.
In my heart of hearts, I wasn’t exactly sure what it looked like to be a good, caring spouse in this trying moment.
All the Mama Bear within me couldn’t do much of anything. Frankly, I felt powerless. That feeling of I-can’t-change-this has ached in me since the start of it all. I’ve felt powerless with this grad school stuff and felt I’ve never known just what to do to help Mr. S. through this trying season.
The night before this defense, with much work still ahead, we hit a favorite coffee shop. The last cup of coffee I’d had there was back in September and I’d entirely forgotten about a kind gesture from my sweet friend Abby. (Sidebar, she’s recently launched a new blog and if you like the intersection of food and life and us, you ought to visit.)
Those who work at Greyhouse can gift a cup of coffee or a treat to a friend by writing on a coffee cup and placing it on a corner chandelier. She’d mentioned this gift to me way before I moved. Abby’s heart behind it encouraged me and gave warm fuzzies at just the right time, but I’d forgotten to actually stop in for the coffee itself.
The minute I set foot in the coffee shop that night, Abby’s gift came to mind. There that coffee cup was, right on the chandelier. Pure grace and God’s sweet timing are the only explanation.
The coffee was a great gift in that sleep-deprived moment. But what she wrote on that cup was a gift for my anxious soul and a gift for our marriage.
“Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly what is required of me now.” – Elisabeth Elliot
So it goes with marriage. (So it goes with life too.) In my anxious running on the how-can-I-love-him-better hamster wheel, I’d forgotten the most obvious. Tomorrow, that defense, was none of my business.
But today? Today is my business. Today is my marriage’s business. And, powerlessness be damned, this is what I can do as a wife: get in the trenches with him today and love him well today. I owe it to Mr. S. and I owe it to myself.
Join me? Let’s cease this anxious eyestrain and relish the day. Let’s release what’s ahead and embrace what’s here. And let’s do it not only for ourselves, but for the ones we love.
On an epilogue note . . . the defense went well. I was nervous, but with Mr. S. all the way. A few loose ends remain, but I’m ridiculously proud of Mr. S.’s endurance and effort and so very grateful that we’re en route to a new season.