closer to 30 than 20

I stare into the bathroom mirror as I get ready for the day this morning. I launch into loud conversation and Mr. S., in the other room, hears me. 

Still examining my makeup-less face, I mutter something off the cuff about the passage of time and not wanting to get old and gray.

“In a few months,” Mr. S. says, “you’ll be closer to 30 than 20.”

And he’s right. He cherishes numbers, so this isn’t meant as a jab. It’s meant as fact.

Truthfully, 30 isn’t even close to old, and I’ll celebrate before I’ll balk. I can’t exactly pinpoint what I’m afraid of.

But still, my mind begins to race at this realization. Closer to 30 than 20.

Do I, in haste, launch a 26-things-before-26? Do I finally bite the financial bullet and pay for a gym membership and run-run-run to preserve youth? Do I dive headfirst into a jar of anti-wrinkle, anti-gray serum cream lotion something?

I wish I could say peace came like a flood and grace swept over me. (It didn’t.) But I close my eyes and tilt my head to the sky and whisper a short thank you. With time comes wisdom, and I’ve been rather short on that these days.

More than a perfect complexion, I need wisdom.
More than avoiding crows feet, I need to embrace laugh lines.
More than lamenting the passage of time, I need to see its lessons, strength and blessings.

It would take posts and posts and days and weeks to begin considering all the rich blessings time has brought. Life is difficult and uncertain these days, but there is a solid peace in the middle of it all. Time is fleeting, and blessings are many.

So I go back to getting ready for the day and sip my coffee as I coat my lashes in mascara. Closer to 30 and praise God for that.

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4 thoughts on “closer to 30 than 20

  1. Ah 30! How I dreaded it. But 7 months into it and I am loving it! And yes I did the 30 before 30 thing, only I didnt get very far 😉

  2. When I first turned 30, I had a hard time dealing with it. But, since then, I love being in my 30s. I am much more confident in my skin, i finally feel like a woman….and the sex is amazing! You still have several years before you are in your 30s. No worries just yet.

  3. Sorry I’m late to respond to this one, Sarah. But you are so right. What comes with age is much more valuable than this culture realizes.

    I wanted you to know that I love my 30s. Much more than I thought I would. I feel so much more settled in my own skin than I used to. Yes, sometimes I wish I would have done more before this point, but mainly, I am grateful for the opportunities that still lie before me. (Did you see my post on turning 33 earlier this year? http://everydayawe.com/2012/05/15/will-this-be-the-happiest-year-of-my-life/ Seriously, it is a great year so far, even in the midst of the turmoil.)

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